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Laconic Lovers is a series of short radio plays by Paddy Gormley.

As the series title suggests, the plays are two-handers featuring lovers who say little or, to be more precise, express themselves in few words. No character ever says more than three words before the other character speaks again. This device ensures that the plays are exceptionally fast moving.

Laconic Lovers was inspired by the first play,
3 2 1 Bang
, written for Actors and Writers London. The lovers, a man and a woman, move rapidly from one-word to two-word to three-word dialogue and back again, reflecting changes in the tension between them and the different moods of their relationship.

Paddy Gormley went on to develop three more plays in the series:

  • Stock Control (Part 1) (2M). Two men working in an office use the telephone to initiate romantic encounters with two women in another department.
  • Stock Control (Part 2) (2F). We hear the women's side of the story.
  • Fare is Fowl (1F, 1M). Drake meets vixen.



SHE: Fancy me?
HE: I’m — not —
SHE: Too old?
HE: Oh — no.
SHE: What, then?
HE: We’re — different.
SHE: So what?
HE: I’m — fowl.
SHE: So what?
HE: You’re — not.
SHE: Not what?
HE: Not — family.
SHE: Doesn’t matter.
HE: Doesn’t it?
SHE: Not nowadays.
HE: What doesn’t?
SHE: Racial barriers.
HE: I suppose.
SHE: Multicultural wold.
HE: I suppose.
SHE: We’re free —
HE: — to choose.
SHE: Spot on.
HE: Still, though.
SHE: Still what?
HE: I’m feathered.
SHE: Gorgeous feathers.
HE: You’re furry.

Paddy Gormley is seeking a commission
to develop Laconic Lovers as a radio drama feature or series.
For example, each of the plays might be adapted to fit a regular nine-minute slot. Alternatively, the plays could fill a 42 minute slot with the addition of a fifth short.

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